i Am

我的相片
在天堂和世界之間; 在真實和假象之間;在一切的選擇和結果之間, 是我.

2009年7月31日

週末的閱讀地圖


 

    與庄造與兩個女人----- (  陰翳禮讚 )


                                                                         ↓


                                             我的名字叫 ------- ( 記憶的祕密) 


                                                                                          


                                                                                醫生的翻譯員  女祭司


                                                                                                                                                        ↓


                                                                                                                                               同名之人


                                                                                                                  


                                                                                                                                                回到台北


                                                                                                                                               (((   目瞪口呆 眼瞎爆肝 )))


 


 


 


行程很趕,( 不知道為什麼這麼趕 )...


咳,


床上攤滿了書,Duke夜裡都滾到床下去


很多讀了一半的書,心懸在那裡


很多小紙條在我的枕頭旁邊,地上,牆上和書裡


我只想窩在一個小小的角落,想在一個短短的週末


48小時...


把我遺落的,未完成的的故事撿起......


 


 

星期五青春痘在鼻子上跳舞

 

我做了一個夢

家裡旁邊的巷子裡

我在一個巴士上,

車子正要發動,我站在駕駛座的後方

 

看見車前的一個人,戴著棒球帽,透出帽沿,盯著我

手裡有一串車鑰匙,"呵,原來這就是你的車啊." 我在心裡想

畫面裡,停著一輛舊舊的藍色VOLVO

 

車子一直後退,

原來,你一直住在我的周圍

 

醒來時好累,洗臉時鼻子上有一個洗不掉的紅點,隱隱約約,

在星期五潛藏,星期六就出來耀武揚威嗎

青春痘,原來,你一直在我的周圍

 

 

 

2009年7月30日

星期四是不遠不近的焦慮


( Photo via Fiickr)


我為稱之為必然向巧合致歉。
倘若有任何誤謬之處,我向必然致歉。



但願快樂不會因我視其為己有而生氣。
但願死者耐心包容我逐漸衰退的記憶。


我為自己分分秒秒疏漏萬物向時間致歉。
我為將新歡視為初戀向舊愛致歉。

 


我為桌子的四隻腳向被砍下的樹木致歉。
我為簡短的回答向龐大的問題致歉。



我為自己無法成為每個男人和女人向所有的人致歉。
我知道在有生之年我無法找到任何理由替自己辯解,


因為我自己     就是我自己的阻礙。
,言語,別怪我借用了沉重的字眼,
又費盡心思地


讓它們看似輕易。


 


--在一顆小星星底下,辛波絲卡



 




星期三是一星期裡最開心的日子



終於等到了圖書館的通知,我拿到電影[無名指] DVD,


星期三的晚上,我看記憶與遺忘的電影,改編自小川洋子的[無名指的標本]


 


「博士熱愛的算式」、「凍結的香氣」、「秘密結晶」、「貴婦人A的甦醒」到「無名指的標本」


自從看過小川洋子以後,'彷彿啟動腦部不明的區域,這個夏天,我一直追究記憶的邏輯。


以往看不下的村上春樹,忽然像中毒一樣地上癮。



 


記憶恍惚像熱裡的海市蜃樓,35°C,整個盆地都冒著熱氣,


而我現在看的書是,記憶的秘密。


 


 

2009年7月29日

如果可以專心上班多好

我不專心。我不專心 我不專心 我不專心



 (Photo via a great photographer…I forget his name, will be updated soon)

 ( 如果可以專心多好 )









2009年7月28日

發條鳥年代記_村上在我心裡印下一個黑



照村上的說法, 如果挪威森林被讀者接受,只要一瞬間; 『世界末日與冷酷異境』可能要長一點,而發條鳥年代記很久之後才能被讀者真正接受。



從第一部失去一隻貓, 第二部失去一個老婆,一個好好的男人在夏天的奇遇,入冬時變成具神奇療癒能力的半黑臉怪先生,後來貓回來了,他像寧采臣努力想把老婆從黑暗的勢力中拯救出來。我要說… (不要打我) ,村上宛如寫到後來經脈逆流,而走火入魔。



我在這個周末看完發條鳥,整個人彷彿被鬼附身一樣,恍恍惚惚。隔天出差,南下的陽光刺眼得好像黑井上方的白光,心裡抑鬱著說不出的情緒,身體有一無法舒展的僵硬。後來,在往屏東的區間車上,面對面坐的的車箱裡,一車子的人,開門時冒出的熱風我忽然淚流滿面,哭了出來,只好一路緊閉著雙眼。那是一種逃不出來的黑,我覺得好累。


失去與尋回,族群的共同記憶的沉重,人性與獸性可區別又類似的暴力和嗜血,即使是笠原May單純的盼望都無法給我安慰。村上在我心裡印下一個黑。
村上先生,原來不是要花很久的時間,才能懂得發條鳥,而是要花很久的時間,甚至用同樣的氣力,才能穿越同樣的黑井。


如果夏天有蜜蜂飛過,請注意,我刻在上面的小字:
「我.在.井.底」--黑得不見天日的小龍女。

2009年7月25日

Me and the other me

... we will be always together as long as the life is lasting ...
There is no mystery. Like the sun and the moon. Like the cloud and the rain. Like the flower and the bee.
There is " we".
I'll always love you, the other me ,  me2.



( Photo by Jane Heller )

2009年7月24日

A quiet river



「村上春樹去見河合隼雄」



 I wake up like a quiet river.
  

17:00

The pain of every month, it keeps me in silence.
So much pain that have dragged me down to a space , deep and isolated, where no voice I can hear.
Everything is blurred, and I am the only one clear, the one alone with my body and aches.

The thing weird is that I almost feel contented at the same time. It is like the pain is a blessing. I'l take it. I can take it.
The pain and the joy are holding hands...Je ne sais quoi …

The book I read by the bed last night was so insightful.

 Sure! I am never tired of Murakami Haruki, yet why the book touched me so much is because of Hayao Kawai's input. (河合隼雄)

I wake up like a quiet river.
And now, I am drifting on it waiting for the moment that I could continue my reading.




2009年7月23日

One fine Day

I must have done something good.
What a good day! July 23, 2009.



Catching a cab right in front of the alley and a warm hearted breakfast from Mickey…
These are signs from heaven. -- “You’ve done something good. Here are your treats."



18:00

At the end of the day, stepping out of the building, I can't help smiling and clapping my hands.
The joy inside is flipping like a bird.

On my way home, I decided to celebrate the night of the fine day by watching a movie, "The Namesake ".

It was directed by Mira Nair and is based upon the novel The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri, a Pulitzer Prize winner.
It is truly a beautiful montage movie, colorful and poetic.



( I'd like to finish the book,and to collect my thoughts all together to write a piece about name and belonging..)




   



2009年7月22日

如夜的晝,僅此一次


這個號稱最偉大的日全蝕 ,
2009 ,722日上午853分左右,由印度西海岸開始,經過了世界上兩個人口最多的國家,中國和印度,還蓋括了尼泊爾、緬甸等多個亞洲國家。

今早,在我的辦公室上空
藍在中國,msn上傳來同事給他的照片,他說外面宛如黑夜。而台北,幾秒之間,只是一陣昏霾
透過光碟片的護眼小黑圈,我只看到強烈白光中,月牙般的小小剪影。


(感謝台中工地同事,熱線轉播)


日全的過程有5個時期,第1階段為「初虧」,月影剛開始侵蝕太陽,是日蝕的開始,也就是日偏。接著為為「食既」,然後是「食甚」,月亮的圓心與太陽圓心距離最近,陽光被遮的面積最廣。第四時期為「生光」,最後是「復圓」,這時月影完全劃出太陽,到此,過程結束。
每次日全時間最長7分多鐘,一般為23分鐘。

( 我只看了2 秒, 就快瞎了)



 

( 照片裡美麗的閃光,就是「貝利珠」。)



「貝利珠」會出現兩次,第一次在「食既」,第二次是在「生光」。 如果說,「貝利珠」形成的原因是月亮邊緣凹凸不平的山峰對陽光的散射而形成的。

我倒覺得,這應該是一個相見和離別時最初和最後的目光!
這應該是這輩子僅有的一次,看到太陽和月亮終於抱在一起。(比牛郎和織女還要可憐。)

下一次,還要66,我.... 已經作古了。




2009年7月21日

洋子與春樹的夏天的主題曲

.... A song for the summer of 2009

  
   


Mysteries
God knows how I adore life
When the wind turns on the shores lies another day
I cannot ask for more

When the time bell blows my heart
And I have scored a better day
Well nobody made this war of mine

And the moments that I enjoy
A place of love and mystery
I'll be there anytime

Oh mysteries of love
Where war is no more
I'll be there anytime

When the time bell blows my heart
And I have scored a better day
Well nobody made this war of mine

And the moments that I enjoy
A place of love and mystery
I'll be there anytime

Mysteries of love
Where war is no more
I'll be there anytime




2009年7月20日

只是紀念







 


 

一些麥可看起來開心的照片.  {from best week ever}

2009年7月17日

仲夏的彩虹

 

午後下了場雨,下班前窗外出現彩虹...

"按照西方的傳說,每條彩虹的盡頭都藏著一壇金子,由一個古靈精怪的精靈守護著,只有這個精靈知道金子的地方。"

 


(玻璃該洗了...老闆 )


彩虹底下,可以看到我的家


 

2009年7月16日

[轉載] 研究報告 家貓呼嚕作聲 只為達到目的


 


( Duke: 我可是有格調的家貓...可不搞這種不真誠的呼嚕...)


 


(法新社)2009716 星期四 02:05 報導


 


英國研究者今天指出,家貓有本事在自己正常、柔軟且低沈的呼嚕聲中摻入讓人難以忽略的高頻音,以向主人爭取到自己想要的東西。


根據科學家們的說法,這種高頻音類似一般的喵喵叫聲,家貓們將這種聲音摻入正常、滿足的呼嚕聲中,藉此誘發人類的飼養本能,以滿足牠們通常是對食物的需求。


 


這項研究報告的主要作者,英格蘭南部「薩塞克斯大學」(Sussex University)的麥康姆(KarenMcComb)女士說,她是因為早上老是被自己的寵物貓沛普(Pepo)吵醒,所以才想到進行這項研究。


她說,「我很奇怪,為什麼這種呼嚕聲這麼難聽,而且無法忽略。和其他貓主人談起後,我發覺他們之中部分包括這項研究的共同作者泰勒(Anna Taylor所養的貓,都有類似的行為。」


麥康姆和她的團隊研究人類對不同型態呼嚕聲的反應,並將由饑餓貓所發、有高頻音在內的「引誘型」呼嚕聲,與非引誘型、正常呼嚕聲所引發的人類反應作對比。


她說,「以相同音量播放貓尋求食物時所發出的呼嚕聲以及正常、非引誘型呼嚕聲,即使沒有養貓經驗的人都覺得引誘型更顯急迫、更不悅耳。」


 


當研究團隊以儀器重新合成呼嚕聲,去除其中的高頻音後,呼嚕聲的急迫性明顯降低。


麥康姆的結論是,家貓有本事以特殊呼嚕聲,取代可能會激怒人類的喵喵叫聲,來吸引人類注意到牠們的需求。


但這種辦法似乎只對單獨與主人相處的貓有效,大家庭中的貓還是只能靠喵喵大叫來引起注意。


(譯者:中央社楊超寰)


 

2009年7月14日

村上春樹在耶路撒冷文學獎的講詞







中文翻譯來源:〈朱學恆的阿宅萬事通事務所

是以小說家的身份來到耶路撒冷,也就是說,我的身份是一個專業的謊言編織者。

當然,說謊的不只是小說家。我們都知道,政客也會。外交人員和軍人有時也會被迫說謊,二手車業務員,屠夫和工人也不例外。不過,小說家的謊言和其他人不同的地方在於,沒有人會用道德標準去苛責小說家的謊言。事實上,小說家的謊言說的越努力,越大、越好,批評家和大眾越會讚賞他。為什麼呢?

我的答案是這樣的:藉由傳述高超的謊言;也就是創造出看來彷彿真實的小說情節,小說家可以將真實帶到新的疆域,將新的光明照耀其上。在大多數的案例中,我們幾乎不可能捕捉真理,並且精準的描繪它。因此,我們才必須要將真理從它的藏匿處誘出,轉化到另一個想像的場景,轉換成另一個想像的形體。不過,為了達成這個目的,我們必須先弄清楚真理到底在自己體內的何處。要編出好的謊言,這是必要的。

不過,今天,我不準備說謊。我會盡可能的誠實。一年之中只有幾天我不會撒謊,今天剛好是其中一天。

讓我老實說吧。許多人建議我今天不應該來此接受耶路撒冷文學獎。有些人甚至警告我,如果我敢來,他們就會杯葛我的作品。

會這樣的原因,當然是因為加薩走廊正發生的這場激烈的戰鬥。根據聯合國的調查,在被封鎖的加薩城中超過一千人喪生,許多人是手無寸鐵的平民,包括了兒童和老人。

在收到獲獎通知之後,我自問:在此時前往以色列接受這文學獎是否是一個正確的行為。這會不會讓人以為我支持衝突中的某一方,或者認為我支持一個選擇發動壓倒性武力的國家政策。當然,我不希望讓人有這樣的印象。我不贊同任何戰爭,我也不支持任何國家。同樣的,我也不希望看到自己的書被杯葛。

最後,在經過審慎的考量之後,我終於決定來此。其中一個原因是因為有太多人反對我前來參與了。或許,我就像許多其他的小說家一樣,天生有著反骨。如果人們告訴我,特別是警告我:「千萬別去那邊,」「千萬別這麼做,」我通常會想要「去那邊」和「這麼做」。你可以說這就是我身為小說家的天性。小說家是種很特別的人。他們一定要親眼所見、親手所觸才願意相信。

所以我來到此地。我選擇親身參與,而不是退縮逃避。我選擇親眼目睹,而不是蒙蔽雙眼。我選擇開口說話,而不是沈默不語。

這並不代表我要發表任何政治信息。判斷對錯當然是小說家最重要的責任。

不過,要如何將這樣的判斷傳遞給他人,則是每個作家的選擇。我自己喜歡利用故事,傾向超現實的故事。因此,我今日才不會在各位面前發表任何直接的政治訊息。

不過,請各位容許我發表一個非常個人的訊息。這是我在撰寫小說時總是牢記在心的。我從來沒有真的將其形諸於文字或是貼在牆上。我將它雋刻在我內心的牆上,這句話是這樣說的:

「若要在高聳的堅牆與以卵擊石的雞蛋之間作選擇,我永遠會選擇站在雞蛋那一邊。」

是的。不管那高牆多麼的正當,那雞蛋多麼的咎由自取,我總是會站在雞蛋那一邊。就讓其他人來決定是非,或許時間或是歷史會下判斷。但若一個小說家選擇寫出站在高牆那一方的作品,不論他有任何理由,這作品的價值何在?

這代表什麼?在大多數的狀況下,這是很顯而易見的。轟炸機、戰車、火箭與白磷彈是那堵高牆。被壓碎、燒焦、射殺的手無寸鐵的平民則是雞蛋。這是這比喻的一個角度。

不過,並不是只有一個角度,還有更深的思考。這樣想吧。我們每個人或多或少都是一顆雞蛋。我們都是獨一無二,裝在脆弱容器理的靈魂。對我來說是如此,對諸位來說也是一樣。我們每個人也或多或少,必須面對一堵高牆。這高牆的名字叫做體制。體制本該保護我們,但有時它卻自作主張,開始殘殺我們,甚至讓我們冷血、有效,系統化的殘殺別人。

我寫小說只有一個理由。那就是將個體的靈魂尊嚴暴露在光明之下。故事的目的是在警醒世人,將一道光束照在體系上,避免它將我們的靈魂吞沒,剝奪靈魂的意義。我深信小說家就該揭露每個靈魂的獨特性,藉由故事來釐清它。用生與死的故事,愛的故事,讓人們落淚的故事,讓人們因恐懼而顫抖的故事,讓人們歡笑顫動的故事。這才是我們日復一日嚴肅編織小說的原因。

先父在九十歲時過世。他是個退休的教師,兼職的佛教法師。當他在研究所就讀時,他被強制徵召去中國參戰。身為一個戰後出身的小孩,我曾經看著他每天晨起在餐前,於我們家的佛壇前深深的向佛祖祈禱。有次我問他為什麼要這樣做,他告訴我他在替那些死於戰爭中的人們祈禱。

他說,他在替所有犧牲的人們祈禱,包括戰友,包括敵人。看著他跪在佛壇前的背影,我似乎可以看見死亡的陰影包圍著他。

我的父親過世時帶走了他的記憶,我永遠沒機會知道一切。但那被死亡包圍的背影留在我的記憶中。這是我從他身上繼承的少數幾件事物,也是最重要的事物。

我今日只想對你傳達一件事。我們都是人類,超越國籍、種族和宗教,都只是一個面對名為體制的堅實高牆的一枚脆弱雞蛋。不論從任何角度來看,我們都毫無勝機。高牆太高、太堅硬,太冰冷。唯一勝過它的可能性只有來自我們將靈魂結為一體,全心相信每個人的獨特和不可取代性所產生的溫暖。

請各位停下來想一想。我們每個人都擁有一個獨特的,活生生的靈魂。體制卻沒有。我們不能容許體制踐踏我們。我們不能容許體制自行其是。體制並沒有創造我們:是我們創造了體制。

這就是我要對各位說的。

我很感謝能夠獲得耶路撒冷文學獎。我很感謝世界各地有那麼多的讀者。

我很高興有機會向各位發表演說。






" Between a high, solid wall and an egg that breaks against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg."

Good evening. I have come to Jerusalem today as a novelist, which is to say as a professional spinner of lies.

Of course, novelists are not the only ones who tell lies. Politicians do it, too, as we all know. Diplomats and generals tell their own kinds of lies on occasion, as do used car salesmen, butchers and builders. The lies of novelists differ from others, however, in that no one criticizes the novelist as immoral for telling lies. Indeed, the bigger and better his lies and the more ingeniously he creates them, the more he is likely to be praised by the public and the critics. Why should that be?

My answer would be this: namely, that by telling skilful lies--which is to say, by making up fictions that appear to be true--the novelist can bring a truth out to a new place and shine a new light on it. In most cases, it is virtually impossible to grasp a truth in its original form and depict it accurately. This is why we try to grab its tail by luring the truth from its hiding place, transferring it to a fictional location, and replacing it with a fictional form. In order to accomplish this, however, we first have to clarify where the truth-lies within us, within ourselves. This is an important qualification for making up good lies.

Today, however, I have no intention of lying. I will try to be as honest as I can. There are only a few days in the year when I do not engage in telling lies, and today happens to be one of them.

So let me tell you the truth. In Japan a fair number of people advised me not to come here to accept the Jerusalem Prize. Some even warned me they would instigate a boycott of my books if I came. The reason for this, of course, was the fierce fighting that was raging in Gaza. The U.N. reported that more than a thousand people had lost their lives in the blockaded city of Gaza, many of them unarmed citizens--children and old people.

Any number of times after receiving notice of the award, I asked myself whether traveling to Israel at a time like this and accepting a literary prize was the proper thing to do, whether this would create the impression that I supported one side in the conflict, that I endorsed the policies of a nation that chose to unleash its overwhelming military power. Neither, of course, do I wish to see my books subjected to a boycott.

Finally, however, after careful consideration, I made up my mind to come here. One reason for my decision was that all too many people advised me not to do it. Perhaps, like many other novelists, I tend to do the exact opposite of what I am told. If people are telling me-- and especially if they are warning me-- “Don’t go there,” “Don’t do that,” I tend to want to “go there” and “do that”. It’s in my nature, you might say, as a novelist. Novelists are a special breed. They cannot genuinely trust anything they have not seen with their own eyes or touched with their own hands.

And that is why I am here. I chose to come here rather than stay away. I chose to see for myself rather than not to see. I chose to speak to you rather than to say nothing.

Please do allow me to deliver a message, one very personal message. It is something that I always keep in mind while I am writing fiction. I have never gone so far as to write it on a piece of paper and paste it to the wall: rather, it is carved into the wall of my mind, and it goes something like this:

“Between a high, solid wall and an egg that breaks against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg.”

Yes, no matter how right the wall may be and how wrong the egg, I will stand with the egg. Someone else will have to decide what is right and what is wrong; perhaps time or history will do it. But if there were a novelist who, for whatever reason, wrote works standing with the wall, of what value would such works be?

What is the meaning of this metaphor? In some cases, it is all too simple and clear. Bombers and tanks and rockets and white phosphorus shells are that high wall. The eggs are the unarmed civilians who are crushed and burned and shot by them. This is one meaning of the metaphor.

But this is not all. It carries a deeper meaning. Think of it this way. Each of us is, more or less, an egg. Each of us is a unique, irreplaceable soul enclosed in a fragile shell. This is true of me, and it is true of each of you. And each of us, to a greater or lesser degree, is confronting a high, solid wall. The wall has a name: it is “The System.” The System is supposed to protect us, but sometimes it takes on a life of its own, and then it begins to kill us and cause us to kill others--coldly, efficiently, systematically.

I have only one reason to write novels, and that is to bring the dignity of the individual soul to the surface and shine a light upon it. The purpose of a story is to sound an alarm, to keep a light trained on the System in order to prevent it from tangling our souls in its web and demeaning them. I truly believe it is the novelist’s job to keep trying to clarify the uniqueness of each individual soul by writing stories--stories of life and death, stories of love, stories that make people cry and quake with fear and shake with laughter. This is why we go on, day after day, concocting fictions with utter seriousness.

My father passed away last year at the age of ninety. He was a retired teacher and a part-time Buddhist priest. When he was in graduate school in Kyoto, he was drafted into the army and sent to fight in China. As a child born after the war, I used to see him every morning before breakfast offering up long, deeply-felt prayers at the small Buddhist altar in our house. One time I asked him why he did this, and he told me he was praying for the people who had died in the battlefield. He was praying for all the people who died, he said, both ally and enemy alike. Staring at his back as he knelt at the altar, I seemed to feel the shadow of death hovering around him.

My father died, and with him he took his memories, memories that I can never know. But the presence of death that lurked about him remains in my own memory. It is one of the few things I carry on from him, and one of the most important.

I have only one thing I hope to convey to you today. We are all human beings, individuals transcending nationality and race and religion, and we are all fragile eggs faced with a solid wall called The System. To all appearances, we have no hope of winning. The wall is too high, too strong--and too cold. If we have any hope of victory at all, it will have to come from our believing in the utter uniqueness and irreplaceability of our own and others’ souls and from our believing in the warmth we gain by joining souls together.

Take a moment to think about this. Each of us possesses a tangible, living soul. The System has no such thing. We must not allow the System to exploit us. We must not allow the System to take on a life of its own. The System did not make us: we made the System.
That is all I have to say to you.

I am grateful to have been awarded the Jerusalem Prize. I am grateful that my books are being read by people in many parts of the world. And I would like to express my gratitude to the readers in Israel. You are the biggest reason why I am here. And I hope we are sharing something, something very meaningful. And I am glad to have had the opportunity to speak to you here today.

Thank you very much.

2009年7月13日

我心中的石頭鎮


 

因為,愛上郭小櫓,驚豔她的才氣。氣溫越來越高的某個五月的周末,我聽著轉動的風扇嗡嗡聲和新起的蟬鳴,在一個下午,天光未暗前,讀完了她心中的石頭鎮。

讀完後,在沙發上發呆了好久,直到我終於起身點燈。

 


氣味,是啟動深層記憶的密碼。
根據神經科學學報, 美國杜克大學醫學中心研究發現, 對大腦的部分活動過程而言,氣味在長期記憶的形成中起著關鍵作用。實驗發現,動物依靠氣味線索和「去甲腎上腺素」在其他動物之間建立強烈的記憶。而這兩個要素便是記憶的形成的關鍵。
“在這樣條件下形成的長期記憶,往往能永久地改變動物行為。”如果報告裡的這句註解可以變成這本書的引述,那我也就能釋懷,書中如割肉見骨的痛苦。


”一切都是從那條鰻魚鯗開始的。那條從石頭鎮某個不知名的街巷寄來的鰻魚鯗。”
這是郭小櫓記憶的引子。
這個腥味所隱喻的死亡,就像石頭鎮裡浸淫的海的氣味,這個海與死亡也只隔著一個甲板;
這個腥味隱喻的性與羞恥,依然在她的陰道裡,彷彿那裡也生著記憶。那一條巨鰻宛如招魂的魑魅,在她的現在,她的北京小公寓裡,腥臭地包圍每一個纖維,到他們學著吞食這帶著記憶的食物,到這個腥臭以一百種煮法變成一種昂貴的氣味,當他們終於吃完了最後一塊鰻魚鯗,她的游魂終於回到她的前世-心中的石頭鎮…。


郭小櫓將一連串隱喻符號匯串成一個女性完整的存在,深刻、犀利精準,如同自傳一般,不容書裡的主人翁有片刻喘息或躲藏。那種裸露,幾度讓我不忍心再讀下去。也正因為這種折磨隨著文字咬著我的心,當她跪向那個種下死亡的山頭告別,我也跟著眼睛熱了起來。


這一路,故事的口氣淡然,淡然地在一種包容的力量裡進入尾聲。人活著有「知」和「不知」,差別只在於真實。


我不禁想起尼采的論述,在我們學會接受花朵下醜陋污穢的根時,這一朵花,才終於完整。

戀人版中英詞典



  • 戀人版中英詞典

  • A Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers

  • 作者︰郭小櫓, 郭品潔 (譯者)

  •  


    初初入夏時,我看了郭小櫓的[戀人版中英詞典]。


    故事發生在倫敦,我卻在閱讀中常不自覺地陷入一種錯置的幻覺,好像還在紐約, 而當年的愛情宛如魑魅氤氳。因為她書寫得如此坦率,彷彿是我腦中浮現的潛意識對話。


    我喜歡中英對照的編輯方式,就像書名一樣是一本關於愛的中英詞典。對照英文讀來,Z的英文書寫越來越好,她的文法從動詞上的誤用到時態的理解,作者讓語言的迷失呼應著女性自我意識的覺醒,實在巧妙。


    書裡提到[女書],不多說明卻滿是隱喻,我特別在維基百科裡搜索。原來女書是一種「蚊形字」,書寫呈長菱形,字體秀麗娟細,造型奇特。因為中國過去的舊思想使女性不可以讀書識字,江華瑤族一帶的女性發明了女書,作為姊妹妯娌之間的秘密通訊方式。而且女書嚴禁男子學習,所以即使男人看到了,也只是把女書當成是普通的花紋。但是文革期間大量女書被銷毀, 而文革之後,女性的文化水平提高了,女性之間不需要使用女書亦可交流,少有婦女學習女書,女書開始瀕臨滅亡。
    小說中一位熟悉女書的老婦去逝,這安排豈是巧合? 女人的世界隨著愛和時代崩解、重組,活在現實之中的我,不也如此?
    這是一本女書,其中的符號和心情,值得一再細讀。


    當我闔上書的那一刻,也不禁把鼻子湊向文字,彷彿聞到Z所聞到的愛人的那片荒野。安靜了好久,終於向過去式的愛告別,往7-11喝一杯現在式的咖啡。